Post by Tayl on Dec 21, 2015 2:48:05 GMT -6
{Thyx fucks Dicro}once upon a time dicro was doin maid shit in maple like the woman he is when suddenly ignis came by and was like "ay boy we finished off the lube last night can you run over to chestnut so we can do that thing you like with your chest and my nuts later tonight" and dicro was like "SIGH.... FIIINE" so he wandered across the way to chestnut chateau and knocked on the door and thyx answered! and he was like "yo who is this and what do you want from this totally metal establishment of mine" and dicro was like "my name's dicro i'm here for the lube" and thyx was like "yo man that stuff ain't free" so dicro sighed and pulled out his credit card and thyx was like "oh we don't have a portable credit card reader so you're gonna have to come inside" so dicro was like "well alright" and followed thyx into the spocky unused wing and then into a room where there was a credit card reader! so dicro put his card in the thing and made a successful transaction because he didn't go over his credit limit because he is an upstanding citizen and pays it off in full. so then thyx was like "ok here you go" and pulled an old dusty bedsheet off of a shelf on the wall and there was 3 huge dildos standing proud and pointing to the sky and dicro was like "woah dude what the fuck is all this" and thyx was like "you're here for the dick row aren't you" and dicro was like "oh i guess that's fine" so then thyx was like "which one do you want jammed in your butthole?" and dicro took a good look and asked about the first one and thyx said "that one's made of nice soft plastic" so he jammed it into dicro's butthole but dicro was like "nah i'm sure you have better" so he pointed at the second one and thyx was like "i love that one, it's made of wood" so he jammed it up dicro's butthole and he was still like "no way man there's gotta be something better!" so he pointed at the third and a devious grin spread across his face as he leaned in close to dicro's ear and whispered "that one... is totally metal"
and they made hot, steamy love in maid outfits for days on end, supplemented by ignis swinging by to pick up the lube himself and also give the two lemonade as to not get dehydrated
and they made hot, steamy love in maid outfits for days on end, supplemented by ignis swinging by to pick up the lube himself and also give the two lemonade as to not get dehydrated
{Thyx fucks a burger}once upon a time thyx was really, really hungry and dicro's massive weiner just wasn't cuttin' it for him today so he went out to get some food. he passed by the steel doughnut and decided to pop in because it's national donut day and was like "yooo" to seiten and seiten was like "yooo buy something you jaunty yellow fuck" and he was like "nah" so he left and went down the street to mona pizza and was like "yooo" and mona was like "get out" so he did and then went to mcdonalds and lo and behold!!! there was ronald mcdonald and he was like "hello sir do you want to try our new deezburger?" and thyx was like "boy golly that sounds delicious! what exactly is on a deezburger?" and ronald mcdonald was like "it's made from two warm, firm buns, a large slab of hot, juicy meat and DEEZ NUTS" and then tossed a *burger* at thyx. surely enough it contained two plump, juicy testicles and thyx's face turned red. he had never seen such sheer beauty before. he grasped the burger's hot buns in his hand as he moaned "burger-senpai..." to which the burger replied "hello thyx i am a burger. today, it is you who is going to put the meat inside me" and thyx jammed his hot lightning sausage into the burger and just fuckin impaled the thing, jammin it in so hard that smucker's began a line of dick jam out of respect for the dick jam that thyx and the burger tenderly shared. soon enough thyx was passed out on the floor with the burger cuddled closely in his chest and ronald mcdonald standing close by absolutely drenched in semen. he retreated to call the authorities about the obscene act that had just taken place as the burger nuzzled thyx's face gently and whispered "thyx-kun, i've never been penetrated so hard before! what is your secret" and thyx applied sunglasses and said "burger-senpai, the truth is my dick... is totally metal."
the end
the end
{Thyx fucks a Doritos™ Locos Taco}once upon a time thyx was doin' normal thyx stuff (like picking up chyx and also being totally metal) but he worked up a big, thick, sloppy hunger as well! so he made haste for the nearest Taco Bell™ where he got in line. as he looked up and down the menu he thought out loud "man this menu doesn't seem very metal at all!" and the guy in line in front of him was like "yeah that's because it's a sign made of plastic you dastardly slubberdegullian" and thyx was like "no man calls me a dastardly slubberdegullian!!!" so he kicked the guy in the balls and took his spot in line. soon he was at the front and he went to the cashier and the cashier was like "hello sir would you like to try our new Doritos Locos Taco™? it's loaded with real Doritos™ flavour!" and thyx was like "yeah sure gimme like 90" so the cashier was like "alright sir! which flavour would you like them in? we have nacho cheese and cool ranch" and thyx kicked the cashier in the balls for not automatically assuming anything associated with thyx would be cool so then he eventually got his take-out bag and walked away but before he could leave the building he decided to look in the bag. inside was only one taco!!!! well that was just poor customer service so thyx turned right around and marched back to the counter, ready to kick some balls when he took another glance inside the bag. he unwrapped the lone taco. his heart skipped a beat. inside was the most beautiful thing thyx had ever seen. with a crispy hard shell, loaded with succulent meat and cheese. he had flashbacks to his fleeting relationship with the cheeseburger and a new flame had kindled in his heart. he reached his hand inside the bag, gently clutching the taco and running his fingers through, his face flushing as the cheesy powder reached back, gliding along his fingertips. he lifted the taco out of the bag, the world vanishing around him. never before had he felt a love so strong in his life. taking off his totally metal sunglasses, he brought the taco to his face, the cool ranch aroma wafting into his nostrils, overtaking his senses. his eyes locked with the taco's lettuce, he sighed dreamily as he brought it to his lips. alas, already, his love for it was too strong, and so he undid his pants and whipped out his weiner (why haven't i paired thyx with a sausage yet). "i'm sorry, doritos locos taco," thyx whispered, lowering the object of his love to his hips. "though i don't mean for you to take it personally, your cream is much too sour i hope mine is sweet enough for you..."
and then he fucked the taco, getting jalapeno burns on his weenie and also getting the authorities called on him
remember kids, fuck your tacos in private
and then he fucked the taco, getting jalapeno burns on his weenie and also getting the authorities called on him
remember kids, fuck your tacos in private
{Thyx fucks Farelle and a cactus}once upon a time thyx was walking home from the local prison (after being arrested for fucking a taco in a taco bell) when he passed by maple manor. well he remembered his good friend ignis was there and he never really got a chance to properly thank him for the lemonade so he decided to stroll right in and take a look around. to his surprise the foyer was empty! well with none of ignis's randy dickslaves around thyx decided to see what kind of trouble he could get into. he strolled through the hallways until he passed by the back hall and the door to the garden. he went outside and it was beautiful! there was flowers all over the place and it was sunny and everything was lovely. lefleuris was even chillin at a table and he was like "what's up you taco-fucking love" and thyx was like "not much. that's a nice watering can you have there" and lefleuris was like "thanks, it's totally metal." well thyx felt right at home so he took a look around the garden and was in awe of all the exotic plants until he spotted a cactus. he'd never seen a cactus before! it was very long and stiff so his first instinct was to jam it into his anus. he yanked down his pants and got into position beside it but realized he couldn't position himself right so he was like "yo lefleuris gimme a boost" and lefleuris was like "jesus fucking christ even i'm not gay enough for this" and he vamoosed to do less gay things like literally sucking intern dick. well thyx wasn't going to let that stop him so he took a flying leap backwards onto the cactus and, to his dismay, it didn't smoothly slide into his butthole! in fact he had gotten stuck on the prickles and now he was left suspended above the ground via spikes in his buttcheeks (and it was also excruciatingly painful). he considered calling for help but decided that wouldn't be very metal of him so he put on a pair of sunglasses over his sunglasses and crossed his arms and looked as chill as he could while bleeding profusely. eventually someone in a maid outfit came out to the garden and was surprised by thyx's presence! "who are you???" the woman asked and thyx was like "well that's not really important, as you see i'm in a bit of a prethycament" and the woman was like "that sounds incredibly arousing! my name is farelle and we should fuck somehow" so she whipped off her maid outfit and was naked and approached thyx while fondling a large sausage. "i hope you're ready to accept this into your body" she said intimidatingly until suddenly she realized he was suspended above the ground! in fact he was hanging off of a cactus by his butthole. "well that's just unacceptable" farelle huffed. "i can't fit this sausage into your ass if it's being covered by that" and thyx was like "damn, that's not very metal at all! you see i really wanted to fuck this cactus" and farelle was like "oh that's a good point. here let me help you" so she lifted thyx off the cactus and turned him around and forced the entire cactus into his mouth as she took the opportunity to use his butthole for the sausage and it was the most spectacular 3-way maple manor had ever seen (though it was questionably gay because there was no honey in the middle as the bees had not gotten around to pollinating)
meanwhile ignis, while watching from the window, sent tourmaline out to get more lemonade as he'd soon need a lot of it
meanwhile ignis, while watching from the window, sent tourmaline out to get more lemonade as he'd soon need a lot of it
{Thyx Fucks Himself}once upon a time thyx was in the hospital recovering from extreme butt trauma (due to being impaled on a cactus). the nurse came in and thyx was like "helloooo nurse" and the nurse was like "hello sir it's time for your iv" and thyx was like "well i refuse to have anything inserted into my body that isn't totally metal" and the nurse was like "sir the only liquid metal is mercury and it's poisonous as fuck but if you really want to i guess so. also your medical history strongly indicates otherwise as various meats are not metal" and then thyx kicked the nurse in the balls for implying everything he does isn't metal. he got his mercury iv and then decided to take a walk because he was feeling very dizzy. he went to the washroom and washed his hands and then looked in the mirror and suddenly heard a voice from nowhere. it sounded like him! "yo loser" it said. "who are you calling a loser, nerd" he retorted. "who are you calling a nerd, thundercunt" it said back. thyx's heart nearly broke and he almost shed a tear at such a brutal insult but kept his composure and applied another pair of sunglasses. "n-nobody..." he stammered. "where are you anyway bro" and suddenly his reflection in the mirror moved! "it me!" his reflection clamored! "hold up a sec i'm coming out" so his reflection hopped right out and gave thyx a high five. "what's up man" he said and his reflection was like "not much, just chillin' in a very confined space with an incredibly handsome dude" and thyx was like "holy shit!!! me too, maybe it's a sign" and then they gave each other the eye (even though their eyes were not visible as they were looking through like four layers of sunglasses) and whipped off their hospital garments
thyx bent over in front of his reflection, his buttocks ready for his reflection's hot meat popsicle, and it arrived with the force of a thousand suns. "god" his reflection moaned as he thrashed thyx's rear with astounding vigor "i've never felt such a fantastic, smooth, taut rumpus before!" thyx was like "damn fuckin' straight, man! i work out my ass every day so it has rippling, powerful muscles" and thyx's reflection was like "it's so firm! it's almost as if it's filled with an extremely hard substance! like it's..."
thyx looked up at his reflection, both their faces twisted in bodily pleasure. together, as they finished, they moaned in unison, their voices blending together in a fantastic harmony
"it's like it's... totally metal!"
suddenly there was a knock on the door and the nurse opened it up and looked upon the scene and was like "excuse me sirs this room is reserved... unless you two are the 'mr pantshitter' scheduled for our one o'clock sponge bath" and the thyxes were like "ehh why not" so they got a great, shit-free sponge bath together and talked about totally metal things like cutlery and hardware
thyx bent over in front of his reflection, his buttocks ready for his reflection's hot meat popsicle, and it arrived with the force of a thousand suns. "god" his reflection moaned as he thrashed thyx's rear with astounding vigor "i've never felt such a fantastic, smooth, taut rumpus before!" thyx was like "damn fuckin' straight, man! i work out my ass every day so it has rippling, powerful muscles" and thyx's reflection was like "it's so firm! it's almost as if it's filled with an extremely hard substance! like it's..."
thyx looked up at his reflection, both their faces twisted in bodily pleasure. together, as they finished, they moaned in unison, their voices blending together in a fantastic harmony
"it's like it's... totally metal!"
suddenly there was a knock on the door and the nurse opened it up and looked upon the scene and was like "excuse me sirs this room is reserved... unless you two are the 'mr pantshitter' scheduled for our one o'clock sponge bath" and the thyxes were like "ehh why not" so they got a great, shit-free sponge bath together and talked about totally metal things like cutlery and hardware
{Thyx Fucks The Cosmos}once upon a time thyx was sitting on his porch stargazing after a hard day's work of getting fucked in the ass. he took a sip of his cocktail (get it because the was a __ in his __ ha ha) and looked up at the brilliant full moon when suddenly there was a flash of light! laying on his lawn chair in his pineapple shirt, he was confronted with tsuki who stood before him, smelling like the moon. "what is this garbage" thyx piped up and tsuki was like "hello thyx i am the moon goddess and i am here to tell you your butt escapades have reached legendary proportions"
thyx, though,caught off guard, couldn't turn down a compliment so he was like "hell yeah motherfucker" and tsuki was like "to celebrate you're gonna fuck something else" and thyx was like "aww yeah even better! my butt's been getting way too much action lately so it's about time my dick saw something" and tsuki was like "who ever said anything about your dick" and a horrifying sense of dread came over him as he turned around in horror
there stood little girl!tsuki, butt-naked, hefting a weiner at least three feet long. "jesus fucking christ" thyx screamed like a girl. "i'm like 80% sure that's anatomically impossible" and little girl tsuki was like ">:3" and turned thyx around and prepared his poor, weary gay sex receptacle. "god it hurts" as he was basically ripped in half but that's ok because it's gay fanthyxion and he'll be better next episode
thyx's screams echoed on into the cosmos, the ephemeral sense of butt tickling resounding into the hearts of many. it resonated eternally, from the beginning of history to the end of time. thyx ascended into the heavens, his being scattered across the universe, his essence ingrained into every living being from their birth to their death. every innocent couple that fled home in the rain with the first petal of their blossoming love emerging, every tender newborn hand that gripped their mother's fingers for the first time, every lonely moment of peace that overcame every child as they gazed up to the stars and wondered what was beyond. every one of these moments was watched over by thyx as he his prostate was thoroughly hammered.
"i'm also like 99% sure this is really illegal i mean look at her she's gotta be like 6" thyx wailed into eternity
eventually he woke up in the hospital being treated for mercury poisoning and catastrophic rectal trauma
thyx, though,caught off guard, couldn't turn down a compliment so he was like "hell yeah motherfucker" and tsuki was like "to celebrate you're gonna fuck something else" and thyx was like "aww yeah even better! my butt's been getting way too much action lately so it's about time my dick saw something" and tsuki was like "who ever said anything about your dick" and a horrifying sense of dread came over him as he turned around in horror
there stood little girl!tsuki, butt-naked, hefting a weiner at least three feet long. "jesus fucking christ" thyx screamed like a girl. "i'm like 80% sure that's anatomically impossible" and little girl tsuki was like ">:3" and turned thyx around and prepared his poor, weary gay sex receptacle. "god it hurts" as he was basically ripped in half but that's ok because it's gay fanthyxion and he'll be better next episode
thyx's screams echoed on into the cosmos, the ephemeral sense of butt tickling resounding into the hearts of many. it resonated eternally, from the beginning of history to the end of time. thyx ascended into the heavens, his being scattered across the universe, his essence ingrained into every living being from their birth to their death. every innocent couple that fled home in the rain with the first petal of their blossoming love emerging, every tender newborn hand that gripped their mother's fingers for the first time, every lonely moment of peace that overcame every child as they gazed up to the stars and wondered what was beyond. every one of these moments was watched over by thyx as he his prostate was thoroughly hammered.
"i'm also like 99% sure this is really illegal i mean look at her she's gotta be like 6" thyx wailed into eternity
eventually he woke up in the hospital being treated for mercury poisoning and catastrophic rectal trauma
{Thyx Fucks Ignis Phasmatis}Once upon a time, Thyx was in the hospital being treated for mercury poisoning and a particularly nasty anal wound as a result of his sexcapades. Unfortunately, his bloodstream had become TOTALLY METAL from the IV, which was still mercury because he refused to accept anything else. He died quietly.
“Well that’s okay,” Thyx thought to himself as his soul flew across the cosmos and into the afterlife, “I’ll just wake up in limbo and fuck some frozen yogurt”. When he finally arrived, he was not greeted with frozen treats and drab landscape, but with flames of eternal torment.
“I’m in hell!”, Thyx screamed excitedly, “it’s just like in one of myJapanese animes heavy metal albums! Metal!”
Upon examining the landscape more closely, Thyx slowly came to a chilling realization….
He wasn’t in hell.
He was in…..
Purple Hell.
“Greetings,” said a voice from behind Thyx that could only belong to Ignis Phasmatis, “and welcome to Purple Hell! I challenge you to a duel for your soul!”
Thyx quickly undid his pants and bent over, revealing his totally metal rumpus hole! “Stand back,” he yelped, “my ass is totally metal and it can fire over 4000 rounds per minute!”
“Ah yes, a formidable ass indeed,” Ignis chuckled, “But can it handle my heat?” Ignis unbuckled his own fine pantaloons and dropped them around his ankles, revealing the most totally metal plunger Thyx had seen since his very own! It was made of pure metallium, the strongest metal known to Thyx, probably! It spewed purple flames and played MP3s and could even dispense a mean espresso!
“Sir,” Thyx said in awe, “I must humbly request that you place your most metal of wieners inside of my ironclad cavity. Only then will my soul find peace.”
The Lord of Torment happily obliged, and plunged Thyx’s pipe for hours. By the time they were done, both of their totally metal features had taken quite the beating!
“It appears that you have met your match,” Thyx said happily, caressing his sore bum.
“Indeed,” Ignis replied, “but, no homo bro, right?”
Thyx felt a thick drop of sweat forming at his brow. As it slipped lower and lower on his face, he caught it with his tongue. Unwilling to waste such a TOTALLY METAL drop of his own bodily fluids, he caressed Ignis and drew his mouth closer to the angry, purple man. The two kissed passionately, the slightly metallic taste of Thyx’s sweat spreading throughout their mouths. They parted in that kinda gross fashion where they like, have a string of spit between them. Nasty.
“N-no… homo….” Thyx muttered in ecstasy as he drifted off to sleep, content with his victory.
---
Three weeks later, Thyx woke up alive and well on the side of the street with his pants down, his wallet missing, and a plunger firmly wedged between his buttcheeks. Bummer!
“Well that’s okay,” Thyx thought to himself as his soul flew across the cosmos and into the afterlife, “I’ll just wake up in limbo and fuck some frozen yogurt”. When he finally arrived, he was not greeted with frozen treats and drab landscape, but with flames of eternal torment.
“I’m in hell!”, Thyx screamed excitedly, “it’s just like in one of my
Upon examining the landscape more closely, Thyx slowly came to a chilling realization….
He wasn’t in hell.
He was in…..
Purple Hell.
“Greetings,” said a voice from behind Thyx that could only belong to Ignis Phasmatis, “and welcome to Purple Hell! I challenge you to a duel for your soul!”
Thyx quickly undid his pants and bent over, revealing his totally metal rumpus hole! “Stand back,” he yelped, “my ass is totally metal and it can fire over 4000 rounds per minute!”
“Ah yes, a formidable ass indeed,” Ignis chuckled, “But can it handle my heat?” Ignis unbuckled his own fine pantaloons and dropped them around his ankles, revealing the most totally metal plunger Thyx had seen since his very own! It was made of pure metallium, the strongest metal known to Thyx, probably! It spewed purple flames and played MP3s and could even dispense a mean espresso!
“Sir,” Thyx said in awe, “I must humbly request that you place your most metal of wieners inside of my ironclad cavity. Only then will my soul find peace.”
The Lord of Torment happily obliged, and plunged Thyx’s pipe for hours. By the time they were done, both of their totally metal features had taken quite the beating!
“It appears that you have met your match,” Thyx said happily, caressing his sore bum.
“Indeed,” Ignis replied, “but, no homo bro, right?”
Thyx felt a thick drop of sweat forming at his brow. As it slipped lower and lower on his face, he caught it with his tongue. Unwilling to waste such a TOTALLY METAL drop of his own bodily fluids, he caressed Ignis and drew his mouth closer to the angry, purple man. The two kissed passionately, the slightly metallic taste of Thyx’s sweat spreading throughout their mouths. They parted in that kinda gross fashion where they like, have a string of spit between them. Nasty.
“N-no… homo….” Thyx muttered in ecstasy as he drifted off to sleep, content with his victory.
---
Three weeks later, Thyx woke up alive and well on the side of the street with his pants down, his wallet missing, and a plunger firmly wedged between his buttcheeks. Bummer!
{Thyx Doesnt Fuck Opine}Once upon a time, Thyx was lying on the side of the street in a puddle of sweat and espresso while nursing a sore butthole when suddenly he was pulled through time and space to the test reality!
“Guess what, everyone!” said Opine Frazil, her shiteating grin visible through her gaudy butterfly mask.
“Opine, no!” said Thyx, who apparently was everyone because nobody else was there. Well, Umbra was there, but she couldn’t hear what Opine was saying through her many layers of different bird suits.
“It’s time for a new competition! The rules are simple, would you like to hear them?”
“No!” Thyx screamed shrilly, “But I bet they involve my butthole!”
“They sure as hell do you lil’ shit,” Opine cheerfully replied. “Now come here, the competition begins immediately!” She advanced towards Thyx as Umbra toppled over and squirmed on the floor a little, unable to regain her footing because her bird costumes restricted her movement.
“Tch, bring it on, Opine! I’ll win this competition once and for all and become TOTALLY METAL overlord of the world!”
Opine produced every single Oress from within Umbra’s bird costume, somehow. She coated Thyx’s own Oress in a thick layer of froyo and pressed it up against his metallic rump. “Today, Thyx,” she said, “I will teach you why buttholes are not canon in most competitions!”
She shoved the Oress deep within Thyx’s body cavity, but he remained unfazed! “Opine, you fool!”, he said, smirking. “Everyone knows that the butthole is the perfect place to hide an Oress! Are you even metal at all?!”
“That’s true,” Opine said as she gripped three or four other Oresses, “but can even your most metal of buttholes handle…. EVERY SINGLE ORESS AT ONCE?!”
One after another, she froyo’d the Oresses and shoved them deep within Thyx with her strength that may or may not be comparable to an ogress! Thyx moaned in ecstasy as he accepted each and every one of them with the power of his TITANIUM ASS.
Before long, Opine had placed each and every one of the candy-colored erp marbles inside of Thyx. Thyx chuckled heartily and rose to his feet. “I told you, Opine,” Thyx said, “you’re not even metal! I’m totally metal! Entirely!”
Opine was taken aback. She had never seen a man store every single one of Umbra’s balls in one butthole! “I’m impressed, Thyx! You’re the first to ever do this!”
“Hell yeah,” he said, his face twisting into a sunglasses emoji, “I won the competition! What do I win?”
“Oh, nothing,” Opine replied, “The Competition is cancelled. Thanks for participating!”
Meanwhile, Umbra contently rolled around in her bird suits. It was a good day for Umbra Tear.
---
Thyx once again woke up in the gutter, this time in a bird suit of his very own! It was a good day to be Thyx, too!
Or so he thought, until the rapid-fire mechanism in his butthole activated, firing the Oresses everywhere and leaving him with nothing but a sore bum and a ripped suit. Oh well!
“Guess what, everyone!” said Opine Frazil, her shiteating grin visible through her gaudy butterfly mask.
“Opine, no!” said Thyx, who apparently was everyone because nobody else was there. Well, Umbra was there, but she couldn’t hear what Opine was saying through her many layers of different bird suits.
“It’s time for a new competition! The rules are simple, would you like to hear them?”
“No!” Thyx screamed shrilly, “But I bet they involve my butthole!”
“They sure as hell do you lil’ shit,” Opine cheerfully replied. “Now come here, the competition begins immediately!” She advanced towards Thyx as Umbra toppled over and squirmed on the floor a little, unable to regain her footing because her bird costumes restricted her movement.
“Tch, bring it on, Opine! I’ll win this competition once and for all and become TOTALLY METAL overlord of the world!”
Opine produced every single Oress from within Umbra’s bird costume, somehow. She coated Thyx’s own Oress in a thick layer of froyo and pressed it up against his metallic rump. “Today, Thyx,” she said, “I will teach you why buttholes are not canon in most competitions!”
She shoved the Oress deep within Thyx’s body cavity, but he remained unfazed! “Opine, you fool!”, he said, smirking. “Everyone knows that the butthole is the perfect place to hide an Oress! Are you even metal at all?!”
“That’s true,” Opine said as she gripped three or four other Oresses, “but can even your most metal of buttholes handle…. EVERY SINGLE ORESS AT ONCE?!”
One after another, she froyo’d the Oresses and shoved them deep within Thyx with her strength that may or may not be comparable to an ogress! Thyx moaned in ecstasy as he accepted each and every one of them with the power of his TITANIUM ASS.
Before long, Opine had placed each and every one of the candy-colored erp marbles inside of Thyx. Thyx chuckled heartily and rose to his feet. “I told you, Opine,” Thyx said, “you’re not even metal! I’m totally metal! Entirely!”
Opine was taken aback. She had never seen a man store every single one of Umbra’s balls in one butthole! “I’m impressed, Thyx! You’re the first to ever do this!”
“Hell yeah,” he said, his face twisting into a sunglasses emoji, “I won the competition! What do I win?”
“Oh, nothing,” Opine replied, “The Competition is cancelled. Thanks for participating!”
Meanwhile, Umbra contently rolled around in her bird suits. It was a good day for Umbra Tear.
---
Thyx once again woke up in the gutter, this time in a bird suit of his very own! It was a good day to be Thyx, too!
Or so he thought, until the rapid-fire mechanism in his butthole activated, firing the Oresses everywhere and leaving him with nothing but a sore bum and a ripped suit. Oh well!
{Alexandroses Only Totally Metal Customer}there was once a place where there were no cool dude sunglasses and thyx was in the area and decided he'd change that forever because a world without sunglasses is totally unmetal (basically glass which is the opposite of metal)
so he knocked on the door and alexandrose was like "ayyy come in and buy something you jaunty yellow fuck" and thyx was like "thank you! i will you gangly black fuck" and alexandrose was like "that's racist" and kicked thyx in the balls. thyx was ok though since his balls were totally metal so he strolled on in and took a look at all the little gadgets and was like "yoooo these things are made of brass! and you know what brass is" and alexandrose was like "why yes! it is metal" and thyx was like "you're damn fuckin right" and tried to give alexandrose a high five but his hand went right through alexandrose's hand and he was like "oh" so then alexandrose was like "see anything you like other than my sweet, plump ghost ass" and thyx was like "nah not really but i'd like it more if it were wearing cool dude sunglasses" so alexandrose put cool dude sunglasses on his ass and he rocked out with thyx
"by the way" alexandrose said "have you met teryselia because she's been giving you the eye this whole time HAAHAHAHAHAHA" and then she came out and thyx was like "jesus tapdancing christ on a club sandwich" and teryselia went up to him and ate his kidneys and took his wallet and used his credit card to buy a sweet sports car which she drove off into the sunset with
meanwhile thyx was bleeding on the floor so alexandrose was like "sorry bro how can i make it up to you" and thyx was like "well i've never fucked a campfire before" so they made sweet, passionate, entirely homosexual intercourse and got up to some seriously kinky stuff involving a model train
the end
so he knocked on the door and alexandrose was like "ayyy come in and buy something you jaunty yellow fuck" and thyx was like "thank you! i will you gangly black fuck" and alexandrose was like "that's racist" and kicked thyx in the balls. thyx was ok though since his balls were totally metal so he strolled on in and took a look at all the little gadgets and was like "yoooo these things are made of brass! and you know what brass is" and alexandrose was like "why yes! it is metal" and thyx was like "you're damn fuckin right" and tried to give alexandrose a high five but his hand went right through alexandrose's hand and he was like "oh" so then alexandrose was like "see anything you like other than my sweet, plump ghost ass" and thyx was like "nah not really but i'd like it more if it were wearing cool dude sunglasses" so alexandrose put cool dude sunglasses on his ass and he rocked out with thyx
"by the way" alexandrose said "have you met teryselia because she's been giving you the eye this whole time HAAHAHAHAHAHA" and then she came out and thyx was like "jesus tapdancing christ on a club sandwich" and teryselia went up to him and ate his kidneys and took his wallet and used his credit card to buy a sweet sports car which she drove off into the sunset with
meanwhile thyx was bleeding on the floor so alexandrose was like "sorry bro how can i make it up to you" and thyx was like "well i've never fucked a campfire before" so they made sweet, passionate, entirely homosexual intercourse and got up to some seriously kinky stuff involving a model train
the end
{Thyx is Hired by Hadris And Fucks His Paycheck}once upon a time thyx had his wallet stolen while he was fucking a campfire so he posted an ad on craigslila looking for a job and then he got an email telling him to meet with some dude in a shady back alley so he was like "hell yeah i'll go get that job" and then he met up with the dude in the back alley and the dude was like "oh shit it's thyx" and dropped his entire row of dicks and fled. thyx was like "yo hold up dude you dropped your dick row" so he picked them up and gave chase but it was too late. so thyx was stuck with an entire row of dicks so he sold them on arazon.com and used the cash to buy himself a sweet spaceship
well having a sweet spaceship didn't solve his problem of being poor so he blasted off into space and came across ol' space drewcifer's place so he engaged in SPACE DOCKING with his ship and then strolled in and orange was at the front desk and he was like "hello sir! how may me and my rad hair help you today" and thyx was like "i'm here to probably fuck your boss" and orange was like "do you have an appointment" and thyx was like "my dick has an appointment with YOUR ASS" and orange was like "oh let me check my scheduUAUAUUGHH" and then thyx fucked orange so hard his cool ahoge turned into an actual dick and then orange ran away and cried because he had a dick forehead
so then thyx walked into hadris's office and was like "hey man i need a job" and hadris was like "oh well i have a position just for you!" and thyx was like "hoo boy" and got on his knees and hadris was like "no no that's not the position here put on this suit" and thyx was like "oh thank god" and then put on the suit and he looked totally dapper (but not really metal but that was okay because he planned to turn his paycheck into all coinage which is indeed totally metal)
so hadris took him into some shady back room and he was like "now son!! you need to be presentable because you have lots of work to do" and thyx was like "got a problem with my TOTALLY METAL appearance huh bro" and hadris was like "no no not at all! i just need to make sure you've brushed your teeth" and thyx was like "of course i've brushed my teeUUUAUAUUAUGH" and then hadris brushed thyx's teeth with his cosmic weiner
soon thyx's teeth were nice and space-coloured so he was taken by hadris into a big board room and there was a bunch of people there and hadris was like "hello representatives please welcome the new butt slave"
"i mean employee"
two weeks later thyx's butthole was loose enough to swish a basketball through and he had also made lots of money but most of it was taken by space taxes so he had to sell his sick spaceship to make ends meet
damn space taxes
well having a sweet spaceship didn't solve his problem of being poor so he blasted off into space and came across ol' space drewcifer's place so he engaged in SPACE DOCKING with his ship and then strolled in and orange was at the front desk and he was like "hello sir! how may me and my rad hair help you today" and thyx was like "i'm here to probably fuck your boss" and orange was like "do you have an appointment" and thyx was like "my dick has an appointment with YOUR ASS" and orange was like "oh let me check my scheduUAUAUUGHH" and then thyx fucked orange so hard his cool ahoge turned into an actual dick and then orange ran away and cried because he had a dick forehead
so then thyx walked into hadris's office and was like "hey man i need a job" and hadris was like "oh well i have a position just for you!" and thyx was like "hoo boy" and got on his knees and hadris was like "no no that's not the position here put on this suit" and thyx was like "oh thank god" and then put on the suit and he looked totally dapper (but not really metal but that was okay because he planned to turn his paycheck into all coinage which is indeed totally metal)
so hadris took him into some shady back room and he was like "now son!! you need to be presentable because you have lots of work to do" and thyx was like "got a problem with my TOTALLY METAL appearance huh bro" and hadris was like "no no not at all! i just need to make sure you've brushed your teeth" and thyx was like "of course i've brushed my teeUUUAUAUUAUGH" and then hadris brushed thyx's teeth with his cosmic weiner
soon thyx's teeth were nice and space-coloured so he was taken by hadris into a big board room and there was a bunch of people there and hadris was like "hello representatives please welcome the new butt slave"
"i mean employee"
two weeks later thyx's butthole was loose enough to swish a basketball through and he had also made lots of money but most of it was taken by space taxes so he had to sell his sick spaceship to make ends meet
damn space taxes
{Thyx Gets Into Smash Before Ridley and Fucks Everyone and Everything Because Apparently The Poor Guy Cant Catch a Break, Even When Were All Distracted By Video Games. You Heartless Fucks.}once upon a time thyx was in gay space having his teeth brushed by a cosmic dong and he was gettin real sick of that shit because the cosmic dong in question was paying him fuckall. what a dong. a cosmic dong. s p a c e d o n g
anyway thyx decided to quit that shit and find a job that didnt actually lose him money or require him to quite literally bust his tender rump for ol' space drewckfuck so he got the rest of his cash and called a cab
so when the space cab got there thyx was all "metal" because it was all blue and falcony like some kind of blue falcon. so he got in and the driver was some kind of falcon captain!!! what a twist
"whats up you fuck lovin meme where you headin" captain falcon sexed erotically as thyx parked his sore bum on the finely upholstered seat "fuck this shit man lets go to space dennys" thyx said and captain falcon was all "yes"
so when they got to space dennys thyx was all "how can i pay you back you deliciously metal man" and falcon was all "well first you can buy me some mediocre space breakfast and then you can SHOW ME YA MOVES"
thyx winked and grinned a totally metal smile because apparently he started to suck at dental hygiene after his toothbrush was replaced with a cosmic dong and he needed like, entirely new teeth made of pure 1000x folded nippon steel. "i can't show ya my moves but i can show ya my ass"
and he did
"whoa there friend" falcon said, jaw dropping at the sight of thyx's well-travelled rumpus "have you ever thought of being a prize fighter? i bet you could totally dominate with an ass like that"
thyx sorely replied "well to get an ass like this you generally arent the one dominating but yeah fighting sounds TOTALLY METAL"
so they had a mediocre space breakfast of mediocre space pancakes and then they flew to sakurai's house on mars to get thyx signed up for exceptional bopping
"yo sakurai i brought you a new guy" captain falcon erotically sexted with his mouth in sakurai's face
"is it ridley" sakurai said sternly, preparing the ridley spray in case thyx was actually ridley
"no" thyx and falcon said simultaneously
and they all laughed
"ok he's in because he's not ridley" sakurai chortled, "but if anyone asks your name is metal pit"
--- like a week later fuck you ---
thyx arrived on final destination and was very excited for his first day on the job. he was gonna be so METAL and cool and probably not have anything shoved in his butthole for a change because the game's gotta get by the esrb somehow ya feel
"man i cant wait to see my introductory cut in" thyx shouted into the sky, so ready to be metal and swag for his many many fans who write gay porn of him and he was greeted with his own face floating in the air like some kind of candy-ass doodle bullshit
Spoiler:
"hey samurai this wasnt in my contract" thyx shouted angrily, but it was too late. everyone had already arrived and it couldnt be stopped. angels weeped for thyx because he truly could not escape his destiny. smash brothers piled into his tender rumpus, leaving oresses and espresso in their wake because items arent fucking allowed in final destination you fucking casual. thyx didnt even cry out in pain because he was used to this garbage by now. maybe he even liked it. he was like dicro was with dying, except he's shoving stuff up his ass indiscriminately like some sort of butt magician in a wizard war with a bunch of plumbers, a giant turtle, and dante from the devil may cry series. he wouldnt lose.
as soon as everyone piled into his ass, thyx did the unthinkable. he jumped off the edge of final destination, defeating everyone instantly. he won the match. he had defeated everyone, claiming his place in the TOTALLY METAL tier along with mega man and that nintendo accessory with feelings. he was so proud, but he was also dead and had a sore ass.
---
thyx awoke in limbo, his tender rumpus torn to pieces. he wandered through the land until he ran into dicro and dicro was all "hey thyx what've you been up to" and thyx was all "totally metal stuff and definitely not butt stuff that's for sure. how's the dying thing going, what happened this time"
dicro was taken aback because his crack otp partner was finally taking an interest in his personal life and not just the things he could do to his butt. "haha man it's a great story well first of all there was this corn dog"
"never mind i dont want to hear it" thyx said, his face twisting into a sunglasses emoji as he waddled off to treat his ravaged bum. he still didnt have any money. fuck everything
"one day," dicro said, wiping away a single tear. "one day he will love me and my hobby because it is totally 'metal', as they say"
anyway thyx decided to quit that shit and find a job that didnt actually lose him money or require him to quite literally bust his tender rump for ol' space drewckfuck so he got the rest of his cash and called a cab
so when the space cab got there thyx was all "metal" because it was all blue and falcony like some kind of blue falcon. so he got in and the driver was some kind of falcon captain!!! what a twist
"whats up you fuck lovin meme where you headin" captain falcon sexed erotically as thyx parked his sore bum on the finely upholstered seat "fuck this shit man lets go to space dennys" thyx said and captain falcon was all "yes"
so when they got to space dennys thyx was all "how can i pay you back you deliciously metal man" and falcon was all "well first you can buy me some mediocre space breakfast and then you can SHOW ME YA MOVES"
thyx winked and grinned a totally metal smile because apparently he started to suck at dental hygiene after his toothbrush was replaced with a cosmic dong and he needed like, entirely new teeth made of pure 1000x folded nippon steel. "i can't show ya my moves but i can show ya my ass"
and he did
"whoa there friend" falcon said, jaw dropping at the sight of thyx's well-travelled rumpus "have you ever thought of being a prize fighter? i bet you could totally dominate with an ass like that"
thyx sorely replied "well to get an ass like this you generally arent the one dominating but yeah fighting sounds TOTALLY METAL"
so they had a mediocre space breakfast of mediocre space pancakes and then they flew to sakurai's house on mars to get thyx signed up for exceptional bopping
"yo sakurai i brought you a new guy" captain falcon erotically sexted with his mouth in sakurai's face
"is it ridley" sakurai said sternly, preparing the ridley spray in case thyx was actually ridley
"no" thyx and falcon said simultaneously
and they all laughed
"ok he's in because he's not ridley" sakurai chortled, "but if anyone asks your name is metal pit"
--- like a week later fuck you ---
thyx arrived on final destination and was very excited for his first day on the job. he was gonna be so METAL and cool and probably not have anything shoved in his butthole for a change because the game's gotta get by the esrb somehow ya feel
"man i cant wait to see my introductory cut in" thyx shouted into the sky, so ready to be metal and swag for his many many fans who write gay porn of him and he was greeted with his own face floating in the air like some kind of candy-ass doodle bullshit
Spoiler:
"hey samurai this wasnt in my contract" thyx shouted angrily, but it was too late. everyone had already arrived and it couldnt be stopped. angels weeped for thyx because he truly could not escape his destiny. smash brothers piled into his tender rumpus, leaving oresses and espresso in their wake because items arent fucking allowed in final destination you fucking casual. thyx didnt even cry out in pain because he was used to this garbage by now. maybe he even liked it. he was like dicro was with dying, except he's shoving stuff up his ass indiscriminately like some sort of butt magician in a wizard war with a bunch of plumbers, a giant turtle, and dante from the devil may cry series. he wouldnt lose.
as soon as everyone piled into his ass, thyx did the unthinkable. he jumped off the edge of final destination, defeating everyone instantly. he won the match. he had defeated everyone, claiming his place in the TOTALLY METAL tier along with mega man and that nintendo accessory with feelings. he was so proud, but he was also dead and had a sore ass.
---
thyx awoke in limbo, his tender rumpus torn to pieces. he wandered through the land until he ran into dicro and dicro was all "hey thyx what've you been up to" and thyx was all "totally metal stuff and definitely not butt stuff that's for sure. how's the dying thing going, what happened this time"
dicro was taken aback because his crack otp partner was finally taking an interest in his personal life and not just the things he could do to his butt. "haha man it's a great story well first of all there was this corn dog"
"never mind i dont want to hear it" thyx said, his face twisting into a sunglasses emoji as he waddled off to treat his ravaged bum. he still didnt have any money. fuck everything
"one day," dicro said, wiping away a single tear. "one day he will love me and my hobby because it is totally 'metal', as they say"